help...romance scams

My sister has been emailing someone "from Army in Ahfganistan". I have seen a pic of him and his name listed on one of the posts in this forum. He has asked her to marry him and is about to "return" to states. How do I help her???? He has presented scenario involving need for money, but hasnt asked her to send any yet, but I know thats the next step. What can I do to expose him? She believes him, hook, line, and sinker!

Welcome to Scamwarners 'frightened'.

I don't think there's any recorded example of any military personnel on an active duty assignment overseas ever falling in love with a stranger on the internet and offering to marry them without ever meeting in person. Doing so would be pretty foolish and men aren't programmed to work like that. Just that alone makes it virtually certain that your sister is dealing with a Nigerian scammer who may be located in Nigeria or the Far East.

A copy of an e-mail from him with the full header may reveal what part of the world his messages are originating from - undoubtedly not Afghanistan. If there were a 1% chance he weren't a scammer, the fact that his undying love is hooked up to a money demand makes it certain it's a scammer. If a man is so desperately in love he wouldn't risk it all over money whereas a scammer believes that he can cash in his love but he never intends to even meet your sister. He probably has a wife and kids already.

The fact is that military personnel are well cared for and don't really have any need for money. Bed, board and travel is paid for by the government and they have health and welfare cover, so the scammer has difficulty making up a reason why they need cash. Usually what they make up is pretty stupid.

Scammers like to use Western Union which they are well able to abuse and pick up funds wherever they are located. If you find you can't stop her sending money, try and persuade her to use the service mentioned here

http://travel.state.gov/travel/tips/emergencies/money/money_1224.html

This will ensure it's only collected by the person named and in the country where he claims to be located but beware, because the scammer will react like a vampire coming in to contact with daylight if he knows that he can only collect the money in Afghanistan. Scammers know that they can abuse the standard Western Union system.

The best approach usually depends on how hooked and/or defensive the victim is. If she is quite hooked, and defensive when challenged, but you have a good relationship, sometimes the best approach to take is to acknowledge your concerns, and ask her to help you to get past those concerns. In other words, while she is showing you why he is "real" she can actually be showing herself the evidence that he is not.

Then if she is willing, sit down with her and do some of the recommended searches. Google his email address, address, and phone number. Use google search to search for his photos; take lines from his email, and google them, in quotes to see if phrases and lines were copied. Ask her to get his official .mil address so she can send him an email there. If he says he can't, push back--soldiers are allowed to give out their .mil addresses and they can send emails. And if he is claiming to be engaged to her, there is no legitimate reason he wouldn't share it. Chances are, you will uncover plenty of evidence that way. And remember that no matter how obvious it is to you that it is a scam, she is thinking with her heart, not her head, and be as empathetic as possible.

The most common reason for a scammer to ask for money is to pay for leave to marry the targeted victim but

Whether you're the lowest enlisted rank, or a 4-Star General (or Admiral), all military personnel get the same amount of vacation time. Military members get 30 days of paid leave per year, earned at the rate of 2.5 days per month.

.. so the chances of getting leave for anything other than a life or death emergency is impossible. Leave is between the soldier, the rule book and his immediate superior. Nothing a spouse can do will affect it and it cannot be bought.

On that same topic, it is also important to realize that of the 30 days leave, typically only half is available while the soldier is actively deployed. The rest is given to the unit as a group, immediately before and/or after the deployment.

So talking about a visit of more than 2 weeks is also a huge red flag.