Victims' feelings of guilt

I've come across this quite a few times, and may be a good reason why these types of fraud/crime are massively under-reported.

I have contacted people who have paid out to scammers and the first thing they are likely to tell me is the good things they were going to do with the Lottery winnings. Personally I would splash out on a yacht and sail to Monte Carlo and sip champagne whilst admiring my Lamborghini on the quay side if I won a pot load of money - and why not ?

There is only one guilty party in a fraud - the scammer. Is it because the victim feels that they were stupid to have been duped ? Professors (I am handling one right now), computer students, financial advisors and very highly placed individuals have been caught out by these people. The only thing wrong a victim does, is to believe that all people are honest.

If the scammer thinks you are innocent, vulnerable or kind, he'll hunt you down like a rabid hyena, using any emotional blackmail or bullying he can think of. A victim should direct their hatred at the scammer, not themselves.

I think you can add embarrassment, shock, a sense of betrayal and shame to your list as well Gomer.

It's totally understandable why someone who has been preyed upon by a scammer may feel these negative emotions. But at the same time, these are emotions that can cause depression and lead onto further problems if not put in check. It's an easy thing for me to say that these things should be put to one side, but I realise just how hard it is to do (having suffered from depression myself).

My advice would not be to direct hate towards the scammer. Hatred is a negative emotion that can cause just as much damage. Instead, try to pick yourself up and get on with things. Learn about how these vermin work so that it doesn't happen again. Educate your friends and family. If you feel that things are getting on top of you, seek out one of the professional bodies that we advertise in the links here - they offer excellent support.

But more than anything: Don't let these bastards win by screwing your head up too. If you feel yourself going under - seek help. They may have got your money but don't let them get into your mind as well.

Like I said, it's not easy. But the old adage that "Time is a great healer" works just as well in this instance. It's the getting over the initial financial loss and emotional blow that's the hard part. But there are people who can help.

IMHO, this guilt is actually something psychologists call "cognitive dissonance". It occurs when our actions and attitudes are inconsistent. In other words, the victims holds an attitude about themselves that they are smart and could not be taken advantage of. However, their recent "actions" involved being scammed. So they are going to feel like a sack of sh*t.

I try to explain to people if asked that this feeling is normal, and they are not a "sucker". They simply were conned by someone who is very sophisticated and does this for a living (i.e., a "professional"). The victim is not a bad person.

I have seen young people who are the victims of the most henious abuse and exploitation we can image, and they sometimes blame themselves A massive challenge for mental health professionals to deal with.